10 Years

Today is our ten year anniversary.  A decade of marriage.  That seems like a lot.  When put into the perspective that marriages can last a lifetime, ten years really isn’t that long, but when it’s the first decade, it seems big.  In our marriage decade, the first half of the decade was much different than the second half.  In the first half, we travelled more, we moved more, we had date nights much more, we shared hobbies more, but I don’t think we learned more. Kind of like the traditional gifts of paper, cotton, fruit, and flowers for early anniversaries, we were less solid, more temporal, and more subject to the whims of our circumstances.  We had much to learn.

In the second half of our marriage, we travelled less, moved less, had date nights much less, had personal time less, but I think we learned more.  At just about the halfway point in our decade of marriage, Nina arrived.  Those of you who knew us well when Nina was born know that it was a very challenging time for us.  Mark’s job had some real challenges, I had just stopped teaching, and we were given a very challenging baby.  Things evened out after awhile, but the difficulty of that time and our utter dependence on each other brought us even closer together.  We became a little stronger – kind of like the traditional gift of wood at a five year anniversary.  We were stronger than the earlier years of marriage, some difficulty had made us that way, but when really put to the fire, we could still be burned up.  We still had much to learn.

The years blend together when kids join the marriage.  Nina arrived a bit before the five years of marriage mark, Lyla arrived 21 months after Nina, and life was busy.  Mark was travelling a lot, and we had a baby and a toddler – the days of the paper year of marriage were long gone.  We became kind of like the traditional gift of wool at around the seven year mark of marriage.  We were more sturdy, more dependable, more functional – however not everyone’s favorite thread.  Despite its warmth, wool can be scratchy.  That’s kind of like life in a season of diapers, spit ups, toddler tantrums, and sleep deprivation.  It can be warm and comforting at times – scratchy at others.  We still had much to learn.

Life continues to develop and challenges pop up for different reasons than adding kids to the relationship or learning how to initially accommodate each other.  After riding the wave of one season of life, we’re not sitting on the beach enjoying the view.  We’re in the tide.  Sometimes the swells are big and we have to ride them out despite our fear.  Other times the water is calm and easy flowing. So now that we’re at the ten year mark, the traditional gift associated with our marriage is aluminum or tin.   How fitting when you really think about it.  Aluminum/tin is lightweight yet strong.  It’s a good reflector.  When tempered, or held to the fire, its properties improve.  It becomes more useful.  The heat treatment of tempering actually makes the material tougher, stronger, and ductile – actually meaning that it’s able to undergo changes without breaking. 

By our tenth year of marriage, we’ve had some tempering.  We’re still lightweights in the ranks of marriage longevity, but we’ve got some evidences of strength in us.  Maybe we’re even better reflectors of love and Jesus to each other than we were in the early days of our marriage.  Maybe the fires and the heat of life have actually improved the quality of our marriage, made it better, tougher, stronger, and able to undergo changes in life and each other without breaking.  We’re aluminum people.  We value the fact that we can be flexible and pliable – lightweights yet strong. We’re useful and functional.  We still have much to learn.

We’re a long way from the flashy, truly honorable, and time tested years of diamond, silver, and gold, but I’d like to think that we’re making strides.  One decade at a time…

However, should Mark want to give me a diamond today instead of a roll of aluminum foil, I don’t think I would object.